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For anyone who has witnessed something so absurd the only honest response is paperwork. The print runs two lines — a small, tight-tracked CERTIFIED in institutional small caps, then BRUH MOMENT below it in bold at roughly three times the size, separated by a single hairline rule. It reads like a credential until it doesn't. Unisex fit, off-white print on a dark ground, clean geometric type, nothing else on the shirt. Dry enough to cause injury.